I can hear cries of blasphemy before I even begin to write this blog entry, but I have to say it anyway. There is a fine line to walk when you are the parent of a young, precocious child. Although we may hear that it is important to identify a child’s abilities at an early age, parents also need to be careful not to “wish” their children into giftedness.

 

We certainly hope that all parents love their children dearly, but that doesn’t mean that one should jump to conclusions about the perceived skills that a child has and how those skills will be applied to the rest of his life. I see parents of very young children (sometimes just a year or two old) list all the skills their young person has acquired and enthusiastically declare that the child is gifted or even a genius. The expectation is that the child will continue to perform at this accelerated level the rest of her life. When the child is still a toddler, the parents are already imagining that he will have his choice of any college he wants to attend and most likely be enrolled at an early age. Parents may even imagine that the preschooler will eventually save humanity through medical research, implement important social changes in the world, or becoming a famous musician. Why, one might ask, are the parents putting themselves and their child through this? Think of the possible scenarios that they are setting up for failure. If the child doesn’t continue to perform, whose fault will it be? The parent’s? The child’s? The school’s? Think of the pressure that will be felt by the child to always be a top performer.

 

Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not suggesting that a child’s strengths should be ignored. But, at the same time, don’t assume that your child is operating at a level far above his age peers or that he will always perform at a very high level. You may not be qualified to properly assess your child’s abilities. Let others who have experience working with many young people make that determination. And, you need to know that it is not a common practice to assess the intellectual abilities of children at a very young age.

 

Meanwhile, let your young person enjoy her childhood and not feel pressured with expectations to change the world. Offer her a solid base of a loving family. Expose him to a wide variety of experiences and definitely support his interests. But please, don’t burden him with the expectation that he will always be the shining star of academics, the arts, or sports.

 

A piece from a South Dakota Public Broadcasting program warns parents not to try to live their fantasies through their children. When children see priorities belonging to the parents and not to themselves, they do what comes naturally: they either find a way to resist, however illogical it may seem to the parents, or they strive extra hard to win their parents’ approval, even at their own expense.

Meeting the needs of one’s child without imposing unreasonable pressure or transferring one’s own dreams onto him does not mean we cease to have expectations for the child. We simply put those expectations into a framework that respects the child’s needs as much as it respects the child’s abilities.